September 2009 Archives

The One That Got Away

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By Zachery S. Beauvais

I work in a sloppy land for a sloppy man. His name is McPherson.

Fifteen years ago, I left home to go and find the world. I thought I was a musician. I left for a fantasy land, a bohemian paradise, but all I found was goo.

Twelve hours a day, six days a week, I mix the slop--a steaming concoction not dissimilar to gravel and afterbirth.  I was starving and needed work. The Factory was my only choice.
    
The slop pours out of four tubes into the vat. Splish-splashing out onto the steel grate. There is where I stand--a man with his paddle. Alone. Mr. McPherson says it's crucial the goop is mixed evenly and constantly. Once a shift, a truck pulls up to the vat. A man in a plastic jumpsuit and winged-frame glasses nods up to me and attaches his hose to the vat. He leaves. I am relieved by a burly man with a cigar, and then return to my chambers. The same day--nine years.

Red China

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A well-dressed white man enters an office. A white woman is sitting behind the desk.

Woman: Sit down, please. It's good to meet you, Mr. Philips.

Man: It's my pleasure to meet you too.

Woman: Well, I know your time is valuable, so let's get down to business. Your company needs quality work-flow and cubicle dynamic consultation. And I think that quality is exactly what we're best at providing here in Red China.

The Greatest Love of All

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Please enjoy this taut and thrilling exploration of the darker side of children's television by a staffer who wishes to remain anonymous, for reasons that might soon become apparent.

The mission was clear and simple. Get in, get out, no dicking around. Brian hoped this was all worth it. The operation hadn't been easy, and the doctors had almost thought he wasn't going to make it. Some idiot somewhere (probably a darkie, he didn't trust them and their shifty ways) had written that the fusion should occur at his ass. Luckily, the mistake was caught before irreparable damage occurred and Brian could never go to the bathroom again. After a month of recovery, Brian finally removed the bandages from his chest and gazed down at it.

God damn undercover work, he thought. God damn it to hell.

"Time for Teletubbies! Time for Teletubbies!" the obese baby in the sky screamed out.

"No," thought Brian. "Time to die."

Hatcher and Bentley Gargoyle 100th Exhibits

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AnnArbor.com has posted a very complimentary review of the ongoing exhibits celebrating the Garg's 100th anniversary in the Hatcher Graduate Library lobby and the Bentley Historical Library.

Read it here.

Make sure to check out the exhibits sometime soon! They'll be up until the end of October.

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Bring the Gargoyle Magazine with you on Spring Break Cancun 2010 to share funny stories and articles with college friends from all over.

There are famous Cornell alumnus that have moved to Las Vegas, including a Las Vegas DUI Attorney, poker players and other celebrities that made their trek after college.

Michigan Gargoyle fans contribute Promotional Items and promotional products to worthwhile causes throughout Ann Arbor.

Gargoyle readers will want to look up different Detroit Moving Companies prior to signing any agreement for moving services.