January 2010 Archives

Punday Tuesday - January 26, 2010

There was nearly a crisis at the "Feline Behind" beauty contest at the Furry convention, but disaster was avoided when the winner was presented with a cat ass trophy.

Tori and Amanda had been meeting for coffee every Wednesday morning for years. When Tori missed their weekly gathering, Amanda flipped out and told her that Amanda-Tori meeting is not optional. 

Anna worked at a smoothie bar, and was often visited by her husband, Barry, and their two sons. However, they frequently disturbed other customers during their visits and generally made things unpleasant for the staff. Finally one day, the owner issued an ultimatum to ban Anna's boys and Barry.
Yes, that's right, our new issue has arrived with EXTREME VIOLENCE! This hot mama means business! Marvel at its many assets!
    • An interview with Damian Kulash of OK Go
    • An interview with Dick Valentine of Electric Six
    • An interview with Guy Davis of B.P.R.D. and The Marquis
    • An interview with John Hodgman of The Daily Show and Those Apple Commercials
    • An interview with the collective Dads of the Gargoyle
    • An essay on racism
    • A new Sickly Peter
    • Second-person masturbation
    • Schroedinger's Cat
    • How the last dinosaur died
    • A trip to Grandpa's house
    • AND SO, SO MUCH MORE
Grab one now on an on- or off-campus distro point near you or subscribe here!

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The Cereal Issue (Fall 2009) can now also be downloaded from the archives!

The OK Go Interview Transcript

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What follows is a very nearly complete transcript of our ultra-meaty, ultra-entertaining interview with Damian Kulash, lead singer of OK Go, conducted by Sam Nash, Zack Beauvais, and Adrian Choy. The band's new album, Of the Blue Colour of the Sky, is in stores now.

We are greeted by Damian and Andy testing their new, Fenton-made amplifiers. After they are done, Damian asks if we want to go grab a cup of coffee.

On the way to Espresso Royale to "support the locals..."

D: For whom is this interview being conducted?

S: For the Gargoyle Magazine.

D: Is that associated with the college?

All: Yes.

A: We're a humor/culture sort-of-thing going on.

D: Got it. Are you a take on The Onion?

All: No...

Z: Well, there's...see, we just had our hundredth anniversary, like, we were originally supposed to be like the New Yorker and all that. It's kind of an outdated style, but we've kept with it...tried to...The paper that's like The Onion is a lot more popular. 

D: Ah, really? Fuckers. Whoever that is, I will beat them down. I will beat them the fuck down.

Z: No, you should. We played them in football and they're assholes. 

D: Dicks. Dickwad dickholes.

Something This Way Comes

HEY! YOU! There's a new Gargoyle issue coming out, THIS WEEK!!!

What, are you serious?

YES, YOU! We are serious!

Well, why should I read this newest compilation of all things arty, ridiculous, and inappropriate?

WELL, we have an interview with OK GO! Lead singer/guitarist Damian Kulash, for starters.

Wowzers! That's impressive. What are the chances I'll also find interviews with Electric Six front man Dick Valentine, Hellboy illustrator Guy Davis, and John Hodgman?

FAIR TO EXCELLENT.

Well I'm sold. One last question: why would I read Gargoyle Humor Magazine instead of, say, the "Every Three Weekly?"

GOOD QUESTION, let's ask a celebrity. Hey Damian Kulash, what do YOU think about the E3W?

 

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THERE YOU HAVE IT. New garg issue this week! Coming to an Ann Arbor business or newsrack near you! If that's not good enough, subscribe here: http://gargmag.com/store.html

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Punday Monday - January 18, 2010

Cripples are lame.

Skeptic tank - a critic that's full of shit.

Drat! The leftovers were foiled again!

Punday Monday - January 12, 2010

Tomorrow is payday, but until I receive my 100 grand, I need to scrape together some change from twix the couch cushions to survive this financial crunch. I found mounds of whatchamacallits, but zero money. I'll probably starve to death.

Mending the tear in these pants is seamingly impossible.

McDonald's is a well greased machine.
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On Difficult Professions

"Steady now, Ensign, that speeding car isn't necessarily going to try to ram the wooden gate," the Security Chief said blandly, "No, it's likely going to turn wildly... yes... and drive clear through the--" the bright orange 77' Chevelle plowed through the wooden security station, losing only a fraction of its impressive velocity, and leaving the remains of a very shaken-up security crew the task of extracting itself from the wreckage, "...security post," finished the Security Chief, before losing consciousness for what would be the last time. 

Ensign Ensign, the unfortunately named henchman, had been the luckiest of those manning the security post and had only suffered a mild concussion and some of the worst splinters he'd ever experienced.

Baconade!

Woah! Holidays anyone? We at Gargoyle sincerely hope you had an enjoyable holiday season and a Happy New Year! (Except for you, China. You don't get a 'happy new year' until you move it to the same time as everybody else. February?? Really?? You, too, Serbia - get on the ball*.)

Anyhoo, We hope you're ready for a whole new decade of decadence and debauchery from your favorite Humor Magazine! You can read us at the gym, while not eating junk food, while quitting smoking, while quitting drinking, AND while realizing that this year won't actually be any different than the last. Enjoy!

 

You should see what he does to East Lansing

 

*Like the one that drops in Times Square. In DECEMBER.

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Gargoyle Magazine readers utilize moving companies and moving services at the end of each semester to help move personal belongings to and from school.