never grabs the fucking prize
Just one more attempt.
Lemons are on sale!
Watermelons are on sale!
Greeting cards are not.
Caution: Floor is wet.
Maybe someone should dry it,
not set up these signs.
If you didn't get your fill of interviews with the current issue that's out, here's an interview with Andy, a homeless meth addict turned hare krishna following cosmetology student with lots of shit in his closet I lived with last spring break.
Stuart: What was your most recent memorable dream?
Andy: I dreamt about all the members of Happy Days. They were still acting but in a completely different show.
S: What was the last thing you regretted buying?
A: $100 worth of DVDs when I was drunk.
S: Recount a strange food experience you had.
A: I was prepping up jalapenos, then I took a piss, then I ended up on the floor w/a bag of ice over my goodfellow for a half hour. AHHH!!!
A statue bust is never waisted.
Once, my sister told a joke that was so bad, our uncle hit her. It was a real niece-slapper.
Skid marks in your underwear may be due to your ass fault.