Culture

You wanna look fly? Hot? Loquacious? Whatever other hip adjectives the kids are using these days? Don't sweat it. The Gargoyle's got your back. And front. And other parts. There is only one look this summer that is any good, seen here on Lenny Kravitz.

That's right. He has a corded telephone receiver plugged into his smart phone. Because when you look this cool, you can do whatever you want. Lenny also has horses that pull his Rolls-Royce. He sticks leeches on the end of his vaccination syringes. He even wraps a rosary around his condom before making sweet passionate love the way only Lenny Kravitz can. But anyway. Let's get back to what's important. Supply-side economics. No. Wait. Fashion. If you wanna pull this look off, follow these simple steps.

1. Buy the clothing and accessories 
2. Become Lenny Kravitz.

Simple. Should step 2 fail, resign yourself to accept your fate. You will never be Lenny Kravitz. Or look this good. My condolences. 

Our interview with party extraordinaire Andrew WK, conducted by our very own Ben Schlanger, was so beefy that we could only fit a fraction of it in the magazine.  If you're hungry for more, you can read out full, uncut interview right here.  Topics include:

- His life philosophy
- His transformation from art student to star
- The beauty of entertainment
- Destroy Build Destroy
- His songwriting process
- A look back on 55 Cadillac
- His inspirations
- Dealing with a bad performance
- The Gathering of the Juggalos
- His new EP
- Showers

Today is a sad day for Americans, folks. And by Americans, I mean U of M students. And by U of M students, I mean Gargoyle fans. And by Gargoyle fans, I mean people who read this blog. So, really, it's a sad day for like, two compsci majors up on north campus and one very angry woman who works at Wolverine Towers and whose favorite beverage is Diet Caffeine Free Pepsi. That probably seemed like some oddly specific random string of things that I just made up, right? Wrong. It's actually a bit of a Gargoyle in-joke. Want to get in on it? Join the Gargoyle! [/shamelessplugthreepeatyessss]

By now, most of you probably know that I am a fickle man. I have, at various times, abandoned the Gargoyle for every college magazine I've deemed funnier (all of them except the Lampoon. Sellouts.) only to return after being rejected on the total bullshit grounds that "you have to be a student to write for a campus publication." Yeah, right. SURE that's the reason. This is just blatant discrimination of the worst kind - worse than racism, agism, sexism, and hitchhiker'sthumbism combined. They won't let me join their magazines because I'm a Ke$ha fan, those bastards. But the Gargoyle welcomes even those as tragically flawed as me (And you! You should join! [/shamelessplugagain]), so it looks like I'm here to stay.

Except, by here, I don't mean here. 'Cause the entire reason why I'm even going on about this tangent about being fickle is because I regret to inform you that even though I made my triumphant return to music reviews just two weeks ago, this will be my penultimate blog post. I have super secret senior content editor duties to do now which totally DOES NOT mean being our Editor-in-Chief's bitch. Seriously, guys. I'm totally not. Plus, now that Ross is the web editor, once Allison returns on June 18th to refill the fourth blogger position I'll be about as vestigial as snake feet, appendixes, or the penis of every male member of our staff. But I'm going to go out with a bang, so this week, I'm treating you to my review of what is widely considered to be one of the most bizarre music videos of all time: Bonnie Tyler's "Total Eclipse of the Heart." The video can be found here and my review can be found after the jump.

Ladies, gentlemen and Gaga fans, it's been far too long. Except for the Gaga fans. For you, it will never be long enough. Nothing against you personally, I just can't really respect you because you're worshipping a concept-thieving thiefy thief. For more details, check out the philosophy page of the new issue of the Gargoyle, out now! [/shamelessplug] Yeah, anybody remember HTML end tag jokes? No, I didn't think so.

I'm sorry that I've forced you to suffer nearly a month and a half now without my music video reviews telling you what to watch and enjoy. It must have been rough for you. Free will can be a scary thing. But it's okay, because I'm back now to tell you how to think once again. Music video reviews should be a regular occurrence once again now that Gargoyle corporate restructuring is over and that silly web editor position has been lifted off my back and dumped on Ross' (chump!) So, to herald my triumphant return, I present my music video review for Jessie J's "Price Tag." The video can be found here, and the review can be found after the jump.

As you may or may not know and definitely don't care about, the Gargoyle recently sent a delegation of staff members to Princeton for the first annual National Intercollegiate Humor Conference. Unfortunately, because of who was hosting the conference, the funniest and most exciting part of the trip was the 11 hour drive to get there. And that drive took us through Ohio. So that's saying something. It was during this drive that inspiration struck in the form of four men singing a sappy breakup/love song along with the radio - as inspiration often does. And thus, I knew what my next music video to review would be. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you... Jar of Hearts.

Australia's contributions to the world have been plentiful in recent decades: AC/DC, Steve Irwin jokes, and even the Wiggles. But all of these contributions pale in comparison to the righteous awesomeness of Sydney - the original Dunkaroos Kangaroo.

What's so epic about Sydney?

1. Wicked Sick Australian Accent
2. Way Too Cool for Pants
3. He's Bringing You Cookies
4. He's Bringing You Frosting
5. You can put AS MUCH FROSTING as you want on your cookie
6. AS MUCH AS YOU WANT!!!

In case you'd like to take a ride through even more 1990's childhood advertising, look no further! ... than slightly below this line...

- Sockem(er) Boppers

- Skip It

- Co-co Wheats

This moment of childhood recollection was brought to you by our ever-faithful and ever-awesome anonymous staff writer/artist/blog post contributor.

Alright, everyone, you know what day of the week it is, and you know what that means it's time for. Well, maybe I'm assuming too much. Maybe you don't know what day of the week it is. Allow me to tell you.
Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday. Today it is Friday, Friday. Tomorrow is Saturday and Sunday comes afterwards.

Oh yes, you better believe I'm jumping on this bandwagon. You've undoubtedly heard the song. Statistically speaking, you've probably already murdered someone out of the sheer blind rage caused by having it stuck in your head (this ever-expanding phenomenon of people killing each other after listening to "Friday" has come to be known as the Black Plague 2). You've probably seen the music video. But there's a difference between seeing something and understanding it, and this particular music video has left many of its viewers dumbfounded and unable to process what they've just experienced. So allow me to be your guru - your sensei - your spirit animal, if you will - and break it down for you after the jump.