Interviews

If you didn't get your fill of interviews with the current issue that's out, here's an interview with Andy, a homeless meth addict turned hare krishna following cosmetology student with lots of shit in his closet I lived with last spring break.

Stuart: What was your most recent memorable dream?

Andy: I dreamt about all the members of Happy Days. They were still acting but in a completely different show.

S: What was the last thing you regretted buying?

A: $100 worth of DVDs when I was drunk.

S: Recount a strange food experience you had.

A: I was prepping up jalapenos, then I took a piss, then I ended up on the floor w/a bag of ice over my goodfellow for a half hour. AHHH!!!

HEY! YOU! There's a new Gargoyle issue coming out, THIS WEEK!!!

What, are you serious?

YES, YOU! We are serious!

Well, why should I read this newest compilation of all things arty, ridiculous, and inappropriate?

WELL, we have an interview with OK GO! Lead singer/guitarist Damian Kulash, for starters.

Wowzers! That's impressive. What are the chances I'll also find interviews with Electric Six front man Dick Valentine, Hellboy illustrator Guy Davis, and John Hodgman?

FAIR TO EXCELLENT.

Well I'm sold. One last question: why would I read Gargoyle Humor Magazine instead of, say, the "Every Three Weekly?"

GOOD QUESTION, let's ask a celebrity. Hey Damian Kulash, what do YOU think about the E3W?

THERE YOU HAVE IT. New garg issue this week! Coming to an Ann Arbor business or newsrack near you! If that's not good enough, subscribe here: http://gargmag.com/store.html

 I stepped into Jon's Ford Taurus, vastly under-prepared for an interview.  Jon informed me that he had spent most of the day answering questions in telephone interviews by various papers around the state.  The interviews were to publicize a number of concerts they had planned around the state before going on tour.  All of them asked him the same exact questions: "How did you get your name?" and "What genre would you classify your music as?"  None of them knew anything about the band. 

I quickly threw out half of my prepared questions and asked Jon about my favorite song, "Friendship."  It starts with the line: "I froze my hands, broke my fingers off, gave them to my friends as a gift 'cause a rift has formed between us.  I froze my hands, broke my fingers off, gave them to my friends as a gift but two of them were misinterpreted."  I asked him if the lyrics in the song were true.  Jon smiled, held up his hands and waved his fingers.  He lowered his head and I thought I heard him mumble, "I wish I had gone through with it."  I immediately regretted the question.  He lifted his head and explained that the lyrics and the music had been written independent of one another.  "One day, the band started playing the music and I jumped in and it fit."

Before arriving at the bowling alley, Jon told me a story about moving a piano with four very large men.  One of the very large men, who had an infected lung, had recently been in a road rage-related fight with a much smaller man.  The short driver got out of his car and punched the very large man in his infected lung.  This angered the large man, causing him to knock the short guy out cold.  

Jon added that he was especially bad at moving pianos, though he had moved many of them, "My job is to make sure it doesn't tip.  There is no reason for me to even help." He delivered that statement with a surprising pain, as he sighed.  I compared his piano moving exploits with my own pool table-moving stories, trying to cheer him up, but the man was blue through and through.

We all arrived at the alley and found out to our dismay that it was a league night and completely packed.  We reconnoitered, made a few quick calls, and decided to pick up Matt Thomson and proceed to Bel-Mark Lanes on Jackson Road.  The adventure's plot thickened.

When we arrived at Matt's house I was slightly disappointed to find that Mason Proper did not, in fact, live in a grass-carpeted apartment à la the Beatles in Help. Jon and Matt discussed a few points of band business, though it sounded suspiciously like it was spoken in code.

"The falcon has finished its gig, the shipment will arrive at the drums sometime next Tuesday. Tell Pancho there is a cash bar in the club." Quickly changing the subject, Jon pointed out to me that Matt had bowled competitively in high school.

We got turned around a few times on the ride before arriving at the second alley.  Noting the various men in black trench coats riding in the cars around us and Jon's erratic driving, I began to get an eerie sense that we were being followed. At 7:39 pm, Matt saw a shooting star out the car window. Jon was convinced it was a helicopter.