Web Finds

I regret to inform you that there will be no music video review this week, because I'm busy with that whole "finals" thing. Yeah, I know, like, super duper lame, right? Totes Magotes!

Sorry. I believe I was briefly possessed by the vengeful spirit of a valley girl, there. Anyways. If you're majoring in homelessness (also known as the "the humanities") like me, you probably have quite a few essays to write for your finals. Well, while you're realizing that you're going to work at Burger King your entire life, at least you can take some solace in the fact that there are, in fact, people out there who are even more screwed than you. At least you (presumably) know something about writing and the proper use of literary devices. These people do not. I present to you some of the worst analogies ever found in high school essays, after the jump.

Australia's contributions to the world have been plentiful in recent decades: AC/DC, Steve Irwin jokes, and even the Wiggles. But all of these contributions pale in comparison to the righteous awesomeness of Sydney - the original Dunkaroos Kangaroo.

What's so epic about Sydney?

1. Wicked Sick Australian Accent
2. Way Too Cool for Pants
3. He's Bringing You Cookies
4. He's Bringing You Frosting
5. You can put AS MUCH FROSTING as you want on your cookie
6. AS MUCH AS YOU WANT!!!

In case you'd like to take a ride through even more 1990's childhood advertising, look no further! ... than slightly below this line...

- Sockem(er) Boppers

- Skip It

- Co-co Wheats

This moment of childhood recollection was brought to you by our ever-faithful and ever-awesome anonymous staff writer/artist/blog post contributor.

Remember Vanilla Ice? Maybe his hit 1990 single, "Ice, Ice, Baby" rings a bell? Well, it seems that contrary to popular belief, he's not dead yet. In fact, it seems he's doing quite well for himself. As if the billions he made over the course of his lucrative, decade-spanning rap career weren't enough, he's also made quite a pretty penny flipping houses on the real estate market. In fact, he's become such a good contractor, that he recently landed himself a show on the DIY network, "The Vanilla Ice Project." And it must be a hit, because apparently it's been greenlit for a second season. The Gargoyle didn't want to be left out of this quality program's obviously expansive viewership, so a few of the staff sat down to watch the pilot episode.

Earlier today, the Gargoyle office was assaulted by a pack of Wendigos. Unfortunately, the writer who was intended to contribute a post to the blog this evening was among the casualties (he or she will be kept anonymous in respect of the dead). So, in lieu of a proper post, allow me to present you with a year and a half'$ worth of $ome of our favorite tweet$ from Ke$ha's twitter feed.

I promise, this is the last Ke$ha-related post for at least a month. The editor in chief has threatened to throw me to the Wendigos if it doesn't stop.

You can read the tweets after the jump - but be warned, some of them may not be suitable for children or anyone possessing a shred of dignity or musical taste.

As this year draws to a close and a new one begins, most people are wasting their time away "celebrating the holidays." But the more survival-minded among us know that we're now just two short years away from the apocalypse, and now is the time for anything but celebration. So cash Grandma's Christmas check and sell your stockings, because fortunately there's products on the market now that can guarantee that you'll survive whatever the ancient Mayans predicted fate's going to throw at us. You can check some of them out after the jump.

Everybody has a sexual fetish, most just don't like to admit it. You might be into food, or roleplay, or even cross-dressing. But we don't like to judge here at the Gargoyle. If anything, we celebrate everyone's unique sexual tastes, and we think you should, too. You can preview the work of some of our favorite sexual deviants after the jump.

Disclaimer: This post is Not Safe For Work.

NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW

In an effort to get me to stop sending pictures of weird shit to the staff e-mail list, the management has begun requiring me to make posts with "substance and character" about the dumb shit I find on my lunch hour at work. Join me on a journey to determine if there is anything worth sharing on the internet that doesn't involve a lot of fluids.

 

Like you, I always wondered what to do with the delectable green brine left lonely in a

pickle-less jar. As usual, the internet has all the answers. Take a look!

 

Pickle Soup                  Pickle Martini               Pickle Mystic