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Punday Monday - March 1, 2010

By Stuart on March 1, 2010 9:43 AM | No Comments
The drug dealer sometimes grew shrooms above his garage. He had a spore-attic supply of psychedelics.

To summarize, do the opposite of winterizing.

Critics panned Steve Nash's "Slam Dunk Iced Tea," saying it was, "just plain Nash-tea."

Chris was unbelievably bored when he 4chan-ately stumbled upon the darkest corner of the internet.

Supermarket Haikus

By Stuart on February 16, 2010 8:42 PM | No Comments
Goddamn claw machine
never grabs the fucking prize
Just one more attempt.

Lemons are on sale!
Watermelons are on sale!
Greeting cards are not.

Caution: Floor is wet.
Maybe someone should dry it,
not set up these signs.
Continue reading Supermarket Haikus.

Punday Monday - February 15, 2010

By Stuart on February 15, 2010 12:09 AM | No Comments
The traffic at the intersection is unparalleled.

Hyperbole - Playground antagonizer who didn't hake his ADHD meds.

Sewer coverings are grate!

Punday Monday - February 1, 2010

By Stuart on February 1, 2010 12:37 PM | No Comments

A statue bust is never waisted.


Once, my sister told a joke that was so bad, our uncle hit her. It was a real niece-slapper.


Skid marks in your underwear may be due to your ass fault.

Punday Tuesday - January 26, 2010

By Stuart on January 26, 2010 10:37 PM | No Comments
There was nearly a crisis at the "Feline Behind" beauty contest at the Furry convention, but disaster was avoided when the winner was presented with a cat ass trophy.

Tori and Amanda had been meeting for coffee every Wednesday morning for years. When Tori missed their weekly gathering, Amanda flipped out and told her that Amanda-Tori meeting is not optional. 

Anna worked at a smoothie bar, and was often visited by her husband, Barry, and their two sons. However, they frequently disturbed other customers during their visits and generally made things unpleasant for the staff. Finally one day, the owner issued an ultimatum to ban Anna's boys and Barry.

Punday Monday - January 18, 2010

By Stuart on January 19, 2010 12:24 AM | No Comments
Cripples are lame.

Skeptic tank - a critic that's full of shit.

Drat! The leftovers were foiled again!

Punday Monday - January 12, 2010

By Stuart on January 12, 2010 2:48 AM | No Comments
Tomorrow is payday, but until I receive my 100 grand, I need to scrape together some change from twix the couch cushions to survive this financial crunch. I found mounds of whatchamacallits, but zero money. I'll probably starve to death.

Mending the tear in these pants is seamingly impossible.

McDonald's is a well greased machine.
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Punday Monday - December 21, 2009

By Stuart on December 21, 2009 11:41 PM | No Comments
Shampoo for Squares - Guaranteed to eliminate knots and wreck tangles.

Glockenspiel - A lecture given at gunpoint.

Q: What do you call lunchmeat that works at an illegitimate calling center?
A: Phony Bologna

Punday Monday - December 14, 2009

By Stuart on December 14, 2009 1:39 PM | No Comments
Tom Swifties!

"I don't remember what groceries I need," Tom said listlessly.
"I'm escaping through the air duct!" Tom said inventively.
"Why aren't you hanging out with Claire anymore?" "I broke up with her," Tom declared.

Punday Monday

By Stuart on December 7, 2009 1:22 AM | 1 Comment
Prostitutes are whoreable
Paper is tearable
Canada is overstated
Salt and pepper are seasonal
Aerosol cans are mistical.
Mrs. are misstaken.
Forklifts are palletable.
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