Gargoyle Humor Magazine

Punday Monday - March 1, 2010

By Stuart on March 1, 2010 9:43 AM | No Comments

The drug dealer sometimes grew shrooms above his garage. He had a spore-attic supply of psychedelics.

To summarize, do the opposite of winterizing.

Critics panned Steve Nash's "Slam Dunk Iced Tea," saying it was, "just plain Nash-tea."

Chris was unbelievably bored when he 4chan-ately stumbled upon the darkest corner of the internet.

Supermarket Haikus

By Stuart on February 16, 2010 8:42 PM | No Comments

Goddamn claw machine
never grabs the fucking prize
Just one more attempt.

Lemons are on sale!
Watermelons are on sale!
Greeting cards are not.

Caution: Floor is wet.
Maybe someone should dry it,
not set up these signs.

Continue reading Supermarket Haikus.

Interview with Andy

By Stuart on February 15, 2010 7:07 PM | No Comments

If you didn't get your fill of interviews with the current issue that's out, here's an interview with Andy, a homeless meth addict turned hare krishna following cosmetology student with lots of shit in his closet I lived with last spring break.

Stuart: What was your most recent memorable dream?

Andy: I dreamt about all the members of Happy Days. They were still acting but in a completely different show.

S: What was the last thing you regretted buying?

A: $100 worth of DVDs when I was drunk.

S: Recount a strange food experience you had.

A: I was prepping up jalapenos, then I took a piss, then I ended up on the floor w/a bag of ice over my goodfellow for a half hour. AHHH!!!

Continue reading Interview with Andy.

Punday Monday - February 15, 2010

By Stuart on February 15, 2010 12:09 AM | No Comments

The traffic at the intersection is unparalleled.

Hyperbole - Playground antagonizer who didn't hake his ADHD meds.

Sewer coverings are grate!

Dick Valentine Interview Transcript

By Gargoyle on February 3, 2010 2:54 PM | No Comments

By Joe Sipka

Electric Six are without a doubt one of my favorite bands. They have a pretty eclectic mix of sounds, and have been described as garage rock mixed with rhythm and blues and disco, and their lyrics are always amazing. I don't know of any other current bands that can sing about escaping from Ohio or Domino Farms and still be taken seriously. After trying to get an interview through normal agent-related channels I used a sort of six degrees of separation connection to them, involving the friend of a boyfriend of a coworker, who has or had some kind of working relationship with the band. In any case, after the trials of setting up the interview and fighting with our office telephone David and I sat down to have a chat with Dick Valentine, the frontman and songwriter of the band.

JS: How do you write so much music so quickly? It feels like you were just touring for "Flashy."

DV: Um, you know we put out an album then we tour, we see things, we talk to people, we have conversations, and that leads to more music.

JS: Out of everything you've put out do you have a favorite track, or any top favorites? I mean, obviously Gay Bar is pretty popular.

DV: Yeah man, I don't know, every now and then I think about that and I'd say right now my favorite song is Transatlantic flight, I was thinking about what a great song that was, but it could change tomorrow.

Continue reading Dick Valentine Interview Transcript.

Punday Monday - February 1, 2010

By Stuart on February 1, 2010 12:37 PM | No Comments

A statue bust is never waisted.

Once, my sister told a joke that was so bad, our uncle hit her. It was a real niece-slapper.

Skid marks in your underwear may be due to your ass fault.

Punday Tuesday - January 26, 2010

By Stuart on January 26, 2010 10:37 PM | No Comments

There was nearly a crisis at the "Feline Behind" beauty contest at the Furry convention, but disaster was avoided when the winner was presented with a cat ass trophy.

Tori and Amanda had been meeting for coffee every Wednesday morning for years. When Tori missed their weekly gathering, Amanda flipped out and told her that Amanda-Tori meeting is not optional.

Anna worked at a smoothie bar, and was often visited by her husband, Barry, and their two sons. However, they frequently disturbed other customers during their visits and generally made things unpleasant for the staff. Finally one day, the owner issued an ultimatum to ban Anna's boys and Barry.

The Interview Issue Explodes into Existence!

By Cathy on January 26, 2010 4:19 PM | 1 Comment

Yes, that's right, our new issue has arrived with EXTREME VIOLENCE! This hot mama means business! Marvel at its many assets!

An interview with Damian Kulash of OK Go
An interview with Dick Valentine of Electric Six
An interview with Guy Davis of B.P.R.D. and The Marquis
An interview with John Hodgman of The Daily Show and Those Apple Commercials
An interview with the collective Dads of the Gargoyle
An essay on racism
A new Sickly Peter
Second-person masturbation
Schroedinger's Cat
How the last dinosaur died
A trip to Grandpa's house
AND SO, SO MUCH MORE

Grab one now on an on- or off-campus distro point near you or subscribe here!

The Cereal Issue (Fall 2009) can now also be downloaded from the archives!

The OK Go Interview Transcript

By Gargoyle on January 26, 2010 12:02 AM | No Comments

What follows is a very nearly complete transcript of our ultra-meaty, ultra-entertaining interview with Damian Kulash, lead singer of OK Go, conducted by Sam Nash, Zack Beauvais, and Adrian Choy. The band's new album, Of the Blue Colour of the Sky, is in stores now.

We are greeted by Damian and Andy testing their new, Fenton-made amplifiers. After they are done, Damian asks if we want to go grab a cup of coffee.

On the way to Espresso Royale to "support the locals..."

D: For whom is this interview being conducted?

S: For the Gargoyle Magazine.

D: Is that associated with the college?

All: Yes.

A: We're a humor/culture sort-of-thing going on.

D: Got it. Are you a take on The Onion?

All: No...

Z: Well, there's...see, we just had our hundredth anniversary, like, we were originally supposed to be like the New Yorker and all that. It's kind of an outdated style, but we've kept with it...tried to...The paper that's like The Onion is a lot more popular.

D: Ah, really? Fuckers. Whoever that is, I will beat them down. I will beat them the fuck down.

Z: No, you should. We played them in football and they're assholes.

D: Dicks. Dickwad dickholes.

Continue reading The OK Go Interview Transcript.

Something This Way Comes

By Will on January 24, 2010 3:34 PM | No Comments

HEY! YOU! There's a new Gargoyle issue coming out, THIS WEEK!!!

What, are you serious?

YES, YOU! We are serious!

Well, why should I read this newest compilation of all things arty, ridiculous, and inappropriate?

WELL, we have an interview with OK GO! Lead singer/guitarist Damian Kulash, for starters.

Wowzers! That's impressive. What are the chances I'll also find interviews with Electric Six front man Dick Valentine, Hellboy illustrator Guy Davis, and John Hodgman?

FAIR TO EXCELLENT.

Well I'm sold. One last question: why would I read Gargoyle Humor Magazine instead of, say, the "Every Three Weekly?"

GOOD QUESTION, let's ask a celebrity. Hey Damian Kulash, what do YOU think about the E3W?

THERE YOU HAVE IT. New garg issue this week! Coming to an Ann Arbor business or newsrack near you! If that's not good enough, subscribe here: http://gargmag.com/store.html

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