By Jamie Hung Heroin Harbor gained its name from the white, powdery bricks that constructed its majestic docks, but an equally descriptive name like Pearl Harbor would’ve been just fine. As one gazes further inland, there sits a gigantic dream factory that puffs iridescent clouds, bathing the Harbor in colorful haze, with some even carried to distant lands by the coastal breeze. However, the enchanted sparkles never crossed the Pacific, which would’ve swept Admiral Yamamoto o

By Paolo Poquiz Do you remember the last time you fell into a fantasy realm? It happens to everyone, all the time, crawling into a strange corner of the pillow fort or selling your baby brother to the goblin king (shout out Jennifer Connelly). Children find themselves in these faraway lands, befriending monsters and saving kingdoms. Where do we think we learned that grown-up rules like gender and geometry are silly nonsense? That we control these ‘facts’ just like we control

By Charlie Palmer Long before it was a magazine, The Gargoyle was a cave. In what is now vaguely considered Southeast Michigan, early humans gathered around a fire and scratched satirical drawings into stone: stick figures mocking their tribal leader, a bison labeled “mid,” and at least one speech bubble reading something untranslatable but clearly sarcastic. Anthropologists agree this was the first issue. In the late Middle Ages, a group of monks at the University of An Ar

By Rev Rico In a recent study performed by the U**** Psychology Department, iPad screentime was found to nourish childhood enrichment. Several children with ADHD were left in a room with only an iPad; they spent an average of 8-10 hours a day on the screens, and in fact, showed increased dopamine levels. Brain activity skyrocketed by 200%, supplemented only by Cocomelon and Baby Shark. The children suffered no clinically recognized psychological issues (not including stunted

By Jacqueline Brace She was already 4 drinks and 2.5 mystery pills in by the time she stumbled up to Club Nosfra2. Her party had called it a night about 40 minutes earlier, but her artificially uninhibited brain was hankering for some midnight mischief. She must have gotten one of the good pills in the mix she’d fished out of her friend’s ex-girlfriend’s FWB’s Monster High handbag, because the mountain of a bouncer guarding the door had massive stone wings folded behind him.

By Rebecca Borlace Entering college, you can’t escape the onslaught of moronic advice from sophomore influencers who think one year of college makes them part of the classe supérieure .  I haven’t bothered counting the number of mattress toppers, laundry hampers (“You HAVE to get one with wheels”), and headboards I’ve been recommended by people whose dorm room tours look like mini-apartments. It really makes you wonder how they managed to fit all of that into their mom’s 20