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Going Green at UM: A Narrative

by Amer Goel It was a cold, brisk, dark, gloomy, dark, brisk, cold night. Time for dinner, perhaps. A hungry (and handsome) dark young...

Beloved Animated Cucumber Ravages Africa, Investigation Underway

by Tess Beiter April 15th Tragedy has struck the northern coast of Africa. News finally broke yesterday explaining the worrying silence...

Creamy Irish Cuisine

by Luke Homans Allow me to paint a picture for you. It is March 3rd, 2022. You are cruising down the interstate at a speed somewhere...

THE REAL (BUT SLIGHTLY REDACTED) HISTORY OF THE GREEN M&M

Uncovered By: Amer Goel and Tess Beiter, descendants of Donald Regan June 12, 1992 Dear Diary, The USSR has finally fallen to our valiant...

How the Garg Saved Saint Patrick's Day

by Anson Lee Once upon a time in Ireland, there lived a mischievous Gargoyle. He spent his days pranking the animals of the forest,...

Something Smells Funky at 420 Maynard!

by Baba Johnny Its’ The Month of April in the year 2022! which means on the first Saturday, April 2nd, students and potheads will gather...

Why is the Gargoyle Green?

by Gautham Jayaraj People often ask “who is Gargoyle?” but many don’t ask “why is Gargoyle?” or more grammatically sensical, “why is...

Green Pilled

by Ashton Gibson You’re trapped in a windowless room, alone, save for the threatening and oddly lumpy trench-coated figure blocking the...

Gargoyle vs. Green Goblin

by Gautham Jayaraj Spiderman No Way Home revealed the reality of the multiverse. There are many spidermen out there on different Earths,...

Death to Frogs

by Mady Eberstein The case of the Frog leaves me not just displeased But entrapped in a feral and murderous seige See, at even my...

Schliss Knish

by Gautham Jayaraj A ransom note trembled in Mark Schlissel’s hands, hardened through years of pastry consumption and tuition raises....

THE ONLY HUMOR MAGAZINE EST. 1909