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  • Garg Fam

From the Editor,

by Madylin Eberstein

Gargoyle did not kill Phil McKraken. Whoever said that is a dirty liar and probably a communications major. And maybe a bed-wetter, too. Even still, we are good people, and we at the magazine wish our condolences to McKraken’s friends, family, and self-proclaimed fellow journalists.

Despite this tragedy, we cannot allow you to slander our good name any longer. Gargoyle is innocent (INNOCENT!), and we will not allow him to be blamed. If it helps, though, we are truly sorry you misplaced your life-sized teddy bear. It must have been hard for the Daily to operate for so long without something unconscious to hump. In addition, flipping tables is especially uncharacteristic for Gargoyle. We prefer to flip on them, not that that means anything to you, virgin.

No matter, we know the truth about what happened to your dear McKraken, and we won’t let you frame us for his murder. Mark our words (pun intended).

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