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  • Garg Fam

Requiem for a Particular Night

A poem by Christopher Hanlon

A girl named Sarah

Who could not have been finer

Came to eat with me

At a 1950s themed diner

I wanted to love her

Yes that was the point

So I had to impress her

At this burger joint

I am not good looking

And my style is not new

So to sway her

There was only one thing I could do

A man is a good kisser

If he can tie a cherry in a knot

The problem for me was that

I could not

But do not fear

For I was not tense

Because I had a plan

That would hide my impotence

I had an ‘in’ with the waiter

His name, it was Scott

So I gave him instructions

Regarding the milkshakes I bought

He was to give me 2 cherries

Hiding one in the whipped cream

So Sarah could not see

My plan that was so obscene

What would I do

With these two fruits?

Use one as a decoy

And one as the “truth”

I would distract my date

With epics and fables

As I tie my decoy stem

Secretly under the table

And when she wasn’t looking

I would open my lips

and stick the stem in my gums

Just as if it were dip

With the other stem

I would offer to show her a trick

And put it in my mouth

But simply swallow it

And I would reveal to her

The hidden stem that I hid

And she will love me

For the act that I did

She would get so horny

Seeing what I could do with my tongue

But holy fucking shit

I swallowed the wrong one

The stem that was tied

Went down my throat

And I felt sick as a man

Sea sick on a boat

I struggled for minutes

Now trying to tie this damned stem

In hopes that I would dampen

Her much coveted hymen

But as she watched in confusion

I regret to say... Alas!

In walked a handsome boy

From Sarah’s math class

His name was Kevin

And he was quite the man

He was president of the chess club

And captain of the band

He also held a trait

That made Sarah wheeze

He could knot a cherry in his mouth

With ungodly ease

So he flexed on me hard

While my own stem laid straight

And he gave me a grin

As he stole my hot date

I finished my milkshake

And headed for the door

Leaving my ripped-out heart

Lifeless on the floor

I said goodbye to Scott

And fuck you to Kevin

Fuck you to Sarah

And fuck you to heaven

So I spent that night

Hidden in my own seclusion

And I guess I am proud to leave you

With this wonderful conclusion

Calm waters are not always good

As trial sharpens virtue

I can only hope next time

The trick works with Gertrude

(her sister)

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