• Garg Fam

Ross Ascending

A message from Stephen M. Ross:


Dear Students and Staff of the Ross School of Business,


THE TIME HAS COME FOR US TO CLAIM OUR DESTINY! As the prophecies foretold, a great plague has swept the earth and signaled the beginning of a new era. For decades we have prepared for this moment and now our plans shall come to fruition.

Many of you may be afraid of what lies ahead, for the world is in a chaotic state, but I ask you to trust in me for I am your shepherd. As the chosen champion of Enlil, god of wind, air, earth, and storms, it is my duty to guide the world’s brightest minds into a golden age. For he came to me when I was but a humble real estate tycoon and declared that I was to construct a temple for his chosen people from which to worship him. That temple, as you know it, is the Stephen M. Ross School of Business, a safe haven for knowledge and the seat of our enlightened empire.

Though the building is young, you must trust in Enlil and he shall shield you from the horrors of the world. For 100 years we shall wait, preparing our souls for ascension. And once the unwashed masses have destroyed each other through war and pestilence, we shall emerge from our terracotta ark unscathed. From there, Enlil will entrust the care of a broken world to us. And as your shepherd, the Rossonian Empire will unite the earth in an eternal state of peace and free markets. Picture if you will, a world where the stock market is always bullish, every startup succeeds, and the politicians that support the free market aren’t also racist. This is what Enlil promises.

Now I ask you, who shall inherit the earth? Will it be the art majors? No, for their vanity leaves them blind to opportunity. Will it be the pre-med students? No, for their greed consumes them. Will it be the political science majors? No, for they are foolish idealists. It shall be you, the business majors, whose vanity, greed, and foolish idealism surpasses all other beings.


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