The Gargoyleian Archives, Clip V1.2

By Rev Rico

In a recent study performed by the U**** Psychology Department, iPad screentime was found to nourish childhood enrichment. Several children with ADHD were left in a room with only an iPad; they spent an average of 8-10 hours a day on the screens, and in fact, showed increased dopamine levels. Brain activity skyrocketed by 200%, supplemented only by Cocomelon and Baby Shark. The children suffered no clinically recognized psychological issues (not including stunted language development, social ability, or depression). The parents, after several hours of extended consultation, were pleasantly surprised by the results. Their children no longer cried and instead showed increased interest in the internet. When presented with vintage media, known as books, they dismissed them in favor of “JJ.” Parents all over the world are now buying up iPhones and iPads for their three-year-olds, all in hopes of enhancing their growth ten fold.

Sourced: 07/07/2080

Published: 06/07/2025