• Garg Fam

Obituaries

by Adam Krugel


Cherry Garcia

Garcia, Cherry, is remembered by his wife of 27 years Petunia, and all the fans of his Ben and Jerry’s ice cream flavor that contrary to popular belief, was not named after the lead singer of the Grateful dead. The dairy manufacturer originally was Ben, Jerry, and Cherry, but Garcia was omitted due to conflicting ideals. Garcia's last wish is for people to know that he actually is more of a fan of Steely Dan.





My 1997 Toyota Corolla

Corolla, Toyota, aged 25, Tragically passed from main battery failure in the middle lane I-94, incidentally causing a 27 car pile-up. I will miss how she used to take me to get fast food, and I hope she’ll forgive me for that time I slammed on the brakes and spilled my milkshake all over her passenger seat. The auto will be remembered in spirit, forever riding on the highways of Valhalla.





Phil McKraken


McKracken, Phil, 21, Ann Arbor, MI. McKracken was an awarded writer for the daily and a dedicated reporter, published himself in over 25 different issues. Nobody knows who he was grudging against, but sadly McKracken was found dead of oral asphyxiation last Tuesday, in the very office where he wrote his storied career. He left his macbook open at his desk, but his google doc only had a title: “Down with the gargoooooo”.


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