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Rush Disciples of Bargozeth!

by Nora Detgen

Are you interested in Doomsday Prep? Are you as excited as we are for the great reckoning? Are you ready for the Lord of Fire’s deliverance? If you answered yes to any of these questions, Rush Disciples of Bargozeth!

DBarg is the only greek organization here at umich dedicated solely to preparing for the coming of Bargozeth and all his fiery wrath! Join a welcoming community who follows the true path of the Lord of Fire! Activities include:

  • Stockpiling Bash! Bring clothes, canned goods, seeds, tide pods, lizards, handcuffs, hotplates, leeches, welding helmets, tourniquets, extra kidneys, coolers, etc.

  • Harbinging!(join the groupme to learn more about how to make picket signs and yell angrily on street corners)

  • Gregorian chants (this week we’ll be learning ‘death is here oh god the horror it burns it burns dear god the horror’)

  • Sacrifices to Bargozeth! BYOB (bring your own blood)*

  • Final drum circle in which we welcome the flames with open arms and watch as they burn those who have sinned. Those who have jaywalked, sent food back, not fully rinsed a dish before putting it in the dishwasher, actually read Game of Thrones instead of just watching the show like the rest of us, ridden double on a spin scooter, held up a line counting exact change, or acted pretentious over any eastern-european video game, shall be purged.

  • Ash scattering of those who were deemed unworthy

  • Lord of Fire ice cream social: where the chosen can get to know their new ruler as they begin their new exciting lives of servitude

* Don’t have your own bloodletting kit? No problem! We have plenty of leech and lancet rentals!

Our first ‘Pastries and Pentagrams’ meeting will be held Tuesday, October 19th in the bunker just past Pierpont Commons. Come for more info, free rations, a can of sterno, and a succulent!

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