by Ashton Gibson
You’re trapped in a windowless room, alone, save for the threatening and oddly lumpy trench-coated figure blocking the only exit. The Gargoyle extends his two hands and offers you the blue pill or red pill. This is the only way out: take one of the pills and be set free! There is a catch: only one pill will free you, and the other will kill you. How can you make this choice? You pace back and forth in the cramped space. Sweat pours out of your glands. Soon, the armpits of your shirt are darkened, more so than they would be on a regular basis (because you’re kind of a sweaty stinky freak!). You're crying, deep, desperate sobs that rack your whole body. You haven’t cried like this since you found out that pubic lice was real and not something your mom made up to scare you into showering. You freeze from fear.
“I can’t do this!” you scream into his unsympathetic face, “I can’t make this choice, I won’t!”
With a sigh, he shuffles around slightly. From out of his trench coat appears a third, hand-like appendage. He offers a third option. In his ‘hand’, the green pill. But, there are risks. Just like the other pills, he will not tell you what it does. His warnings fall flat, as the sound of his suave voice fades into buzzing between your ears. You're desperate for a way out–that’s all you can think about. The pill is so enticing with its reflective emerald hue; it’s no larger than an average Barbie shoe, so it would surely go down easy. The pill looks juicy, and your mind is now fixated on the possible flavors it could be. There's green apple, lime, shamrock shake, grass, foot fungus…
So …. you scarf it down straight out of his hand. You make sure to gobble every last bit, staring into his eyes and nibbling his fingers. Gargoyle says “ok.. Great…” while wiping your slobber off on his pants.
The pill slides down your throat and gets caught like the gravel you had for lunch. You choke it down. You’re thinking.. What now? Gargoyle kind of rubs his neck awkwardly and is like “yeah.. It takes a second to hit sometimes”.
“Wait, are you sure you can’t tell me what this one does? I already ate it, at this point there's no going back. Well, I’ve seen The Matrix and in that movie the red pill is ‘wake up’ and the blue pill is ‘forget that anything is wrong’, so would that make the green pill like a laxative, or…?” Your nervous rambling trails off because you can feel the sensation of bubbling deep in your gut.
The bubbling becomes a warmth that shoots through your body. A sharp pain in your chest grabs your attention, and to your surprise, you suddenly have absolutely massive tits. Like, gigantic. A similar sensation targets your backside, and you find that you now possess a voluptuous rump rival to Kim K’s 2017 BBL.
And, you didn’t just change physically. In fact, it’s all clear to you now, clearer than it ever could have been before: the green pill made you the absolute most sexy and attractive person alive! It also expanded your mind. You are aware of everything. You now possess all knowledge that was previously unknown to you, including the true purpose of the green pill. You even know the true identity of the deceitful masked con man of an artist known as “Marshmello”. You have never been happier. Your brain feels like it’s about to leak out of your ears because of how big it is.
By taking the green pill, which was made possible through the Gargoyle, you unlocked the highest version of yourself. You have huge tits and a fat ass. You are the smartest person to ever live. You are the walking, breathing epitome of humor. You are perfect. With that, you are free to exit, and go out into the world a truly changed man.