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Why is the Gargoyle Green?

by Gautham Jayaraj

People often ask “who is Gargoyle?” but many don’t ask “why is Gargoyle?” or more grammatically sensical, “why is Gargoyle green?” I have created three hypotheses as to why that is.

1. Gargoyle is part plant.

There is a saying that “you are what you eat.” Garg looks like a hulu type of a guy, but for the sake of argument, let’s say he watched all the pro-chicken netflix food documentaries and shifted to the vegan lifestyle. It is also a well-known fact that he trains his gag reflex by taking in phallic vegetables like penis-shaped carrots and the like. He probably ate a few cucumbers on accident while doing this and became the luscious, forest green pigment his scaly but oh so masculine skin exudes.

There may be a few consequences due to the previously mentioned things. For one, he would need extreme moisture to maintain a healthy skin care routine. He likely has to steel kids’ juice boxes and squeeze them onto himself in front of the youth for maximum viewer agony.

2. Gargoyle’s mother was a frog.

Garg gives off the impression that he can’t help but snatch a fly out of the air at any moment. And based on the way he walks, he just seems like a damn amphibian. Most of the world are indifferent to amphibians but still, who knows if Garg is half-frog and half slimy cock dragon.

3. He permanently dyed himself green.

As we know, Garg is an immortal being who hasn’t aged for years, but we also know he is a creative lad, unafraid of goals that are slightly out of his reach.

Once upon a time, he tried his hand at one of these goals. There was a script for the third Jurassic Park film where the main conflict was human-dinosaur hybrids. Garg must have thought he fit the description of the screen-writer’s ambition. He could have auditioned for the role of “human-dino-3,” but when the plans changed, he didn’t get a call back.

These are the theories for now. If anyone has any better ones, keep them to yourselves.

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