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They Met God

By Madylin Eberstein Skkt skkt. A pair of dusty cowboy boots thudded onto the saloon’s sand-sprinkled porch. The sun-bleached planks had...

Modern White Democrat Porn

Oval Office, The White House June 14, 2015 The year was 2015, and President Obama’s second term was coming to its fateful close against a...

Merely the Mons

By Sarah Aftab To Rajiv, I am sorry I quasi Jeffrey Toobin-ed you :(( Please read this apology to the tune of Monster Mash: I was just on...

Ross Ascending

A message from Stephen M. Ross: Dear Students and Staff of the Ross School of Business, THE TIME HAS COME FOR US TO CLAIM OUR DESTINY! As...

Rock the Vote

Notes from the other side of the class war By Izzy A. Hedin-Urrutia Humans are creatures of tradition. We crave the familiar, the...

To Whom it May Concern

By Izzy Hedin-Urrutia From: ahedinur@umich.edu To: administration@umich.edu Date: [redacted] Time: 10:47 am Subject Line: New University...

A Stance Against Anti-Sorotitism

ANN ARBOR, MI - Legend has it that a posse of sorority girls today looks like this: designer sneakers (that cost more than my...

The Walk of Jays

An Ode to Jaywalking By Nicholas Dibagia So sweet is the walk of the jay, Saccharine but I, irresisting, canst avoid To maketh thee...

Eat Fresh

by Anonymous They want you to think that they are just a simple sandwich chain that began in Connecticut, but I know the truth. Even back...

Schlissel Christ

From the Book of Mark (excerpt) by Madylin Eberstein At the end of the strikes, he went down and stood high above where they were on the...

Gargoyle Internet Connectivity Tips

A Collaborative Piece written by all on the Gargoyle Writing Staff, including Izzy Hedin-Urrutia, Nicholas Dibagia, and Stefan Grueneis...

All American Road Trip

By Nicholas Dibagia What are you doing? Going to grandma’s house? Is it mom’s mom, the cat lady in Poughkeepsie or dad’s mom, the golfer...

The Gargoyle Reviews: COVID-19

For months, COVID-19 has captivated audiences worldwide. Without question, the disease is a sensation. Even nations without an...