Mar 15, 2022Tips and Tricks: Homicide edition by Lars Martin Tip #1: If you ever have a knife covered in blood and you need to dispose of the evidence, just dip it in the vat of...
Mar 15, 2022Schliss Knishby Gautham Jayaraj A ransom note trembled in Mark Schlissel’s hands, hardened through years of pastry consumption and tuition raises....
Mar 15, 2022Daily Writer Found Deadby Anson Lee ANN ARBOR: Ann Arbor police are investigating the death of Michigan Daily editor Phil McKraken. McKraken was found dead in...
Mar 15, 2022From the Editor,by Madylin Eberstein Gargoyle did not kill Phil McKraken. Whoever said that is a dirty liar and probably a communications major. And...
Mar 15, 2022Harbaugh's StakeIt made his heart flutter, the condom. He had found it on the sidewalk, just lying there, calling to him. When he saw it, he thought to...
Mar 15, 2022Dearest Mark (again),Hope this card finds you well (haha). That was just a little goofy banter from the good folks down at Gargoyle, because obviously you’re...
Dec 6, 2021Insurance Mascots Go on Strike, America Faces Dangerous Repercussionsby Nora Detgen Last week, insurance giants Geico, Progressive, Liberty Mutual, General Insurance, and State Farm lost their mascots in...
Dec 6, 2021Foot in Mouth Diseaseby Mady Eberstein Well, I'll be. If I had a nickel for every time I went and put my foot in my mouth, I’d be a goner. They say big things...
Dec 6, 2021Spider-Man: Nobody's Home?by Sujay Kulkarni Excited fans gearing up for the release of Marvel and Sony’s third Spider-Man movie this winter might be in for a bit...
Dec 6, 2021Getting Readyby Chris Hanlon She takes her time when it’s time to get ready Much to the annoyance of her boyfriend Fredy He has been ready since 2...
Dec 6, 2021To the students who pack up before the teacher stops talking,by Lars Martin You...you disgusting set of flippant fart-scented frat boys! You are an absolute menace to society. What benefit do you...
Dec 6, 2021Philosophy Student is a Jerk: Thanksgivingby Sujay Kulkarni A family meets for Thanksgiving dinner. Mom: *tapping her glass* Ahem, ahem, everyone – excuse me. I just want to say...